Shozan, Kira.

[kira shozan]

Name: Kira Shozan.
Callsign: PinkFlash.
Age: 14.
Gender: Female.
Height: 5'0.
Weight: 105.
Hometown: Romeo City.
Employment: Warrior.
Strengths
1.) semi skilled in martial arts.
2.) Getting her self into trouble, and hopefully getting her self out.
3.) Cooking up really spicy food.

Theme Song: Give a Reason for Life.

Appearance: Kira stands at exactly five feet, making her rather short. She is fairly thin, but not to thin. Kira's cloths are a black, long sleeve shirt; and yellow tank top over it. Her pants are black; that go down to her ankles. Kira's crimson hair is long, and goes down to her mid back. Kira's skin is a little tan, but not to much.

Personality: Kira is a young and cheerful girl. She love's nothing more, then to find adventure. Kira will go out of her way to find an adventure, like searching a dangerous cave. Most of the time, she get's her self in a lot of trouble. Kira is also very rash and stubborn, and will jump into a situation with out thinking. Like trying to rescue a person with, or with out a plan. Or accepting a challenge that, Kira can’t win. That's just how stubborn she is, and will not back out of the battle either.


History: Kira comes from Romeo city, born and raised. She knows the city well, having walked from one end to another many times. However, Kira never liked to stay in the city for long. Not that she didn't like her home, it was just that the city sometimes didn't suit her. Her parents owned a zoids repair shop in town, So Kira pretty much grew up around the metallic creatures.

In fact, she grew up loving Zoids. She would often watch battles in the cafe, watching them go at it. She wanted to join them, to go into battle with her own Zoid. The only problem was she didn't have a zoid to call her own, her parents couldn't afford to get her one. However, one day a costumer came in to her parents' workshop and left their zoid there. It seemed to be a perfectly good Leo Blaze. The costumer said, however, that it didn't work for some reason; its controls were stuck. Her father worked on it for days, but couldn't find what was wrong with it. Eventually, the costumer decided to just get a new zoid, and left their Leo Blaze at the shop.

Her father intended to sell it to a scrap metal company since it wouldn't work, and because of that, he couldn't sell it for anything else. Kira managed to convince her father to let her keep it. Even though her father didn't think it would do anything, he gave in and allowed his daughter to do with it as she pleased. Kira got into the cockpit, and tried to pilot it. To everyone's amazement, the zoid obeyed the controls. It seemed that the zoid just didn't like its previous pilot, apparently the previous owner had treated it as nothing more than a machine. Now with a zoid of her own, Kira plans to battle to the best of her ability and get a name for herself.


Zoid: Lena. (Leo Blaze)
Status: Normal
Rank: D
Description: Nothing is different about the Zoid, except the color. The Leo Blazers paws are a crimson color, while the body is a hot pink color. The claws, and fangs them selves are a rose color. Its blade is a blood red color. Kira did add one weapon thought, a Anti-Zoid 3-Barrel Shock Cannon. Just a weak weapon, for flying zoids. Or for a zoid, that's out of striking range. The weapon, is directly under the chest.

Offense: Close Range.
Defense: Speed.
Strategy: Reckless.

[Rui Zeal]

Hey, welcome site Kira-chan, it's been a while since we last got a new member, and the staff have been taking longer and longer to log in lately, but there are still a few of us here. As you could be stuck waiting up to a week for a staff member to log in, I'll critique your profile to the best of my ability in their stead.

First of all, all three, your history, personality, and your Zoid's history need work. Their all long enough, but require some rewriting. Mostly just grammer and punctuation. I'll even be kind enough to redo your history for you as an example.

Kira comes from Romeo city, born and raised. She knows the city well, having walked from one end to another many times. However, Kira never liked to stay in the city for long. Not that she didn't like her home, it was just that the city sometimes didn't suit her. Her parents owned a zoids repair shop in town, So Kira pretty much grew up around the metallic creatures.

In fact, she grew up loving Zoids. She would often watch battles in the cafe, watching them go at it. She wanted to join them, to go into battle with her own Zoid. The only problem was she didn't have a zoid to call her own, her parents couldn't afford to get her one. However, one day a costumer came in to her parents' workshop and left their zoid there. It seemed to be a perfectly good Leo Blaze. The costumer said, however, that it didn't work for some reason; its controls were stuck. Her father worked on it for days, but couldn't find what was wrong with it. Eventually, the costumer decided to just get a new zoid, and left their Leo Blaze at the shop.

Her father intended to sell it to a scrap metal company since it wouldn't work, and because of that, he couldn't sell it for anything else. Kira managed to convince her father to let her keep it. Even though her father didn't think it would do anything, he gave in and allowed his daughter to do with it as she pleased. Kira got into the cockpit, and tried to pilot it. To everyone's amazement, the zoid obeyed the controls. It seemed that the zoid just didn't like its previous pilot, apparenlty the previous owner had treated it as nothing more than a machine. Now with a zoid of her own, Kira plans to battle to the best of her ability and get a name for herself.

Let me know if you need more help.

[kira shozan]

Thank you for the reply. I changed everything else, and corrected the personality and stuff. Thanks again.

[Rui Zeal]

no problem, however the zoid's description still needs work; the punctuation is still all wrong. Here's another example:

The Leo Blazers paws are a crimson color. While, the body; is a hot pink color.

and here is how it should go:

The Leo Blazers paws are a crimson color, while the body is a hot pink color.

that and your character is rather dense. She's both heavier and smaller than mine, I doubt you have to change that, though you might want to. That and the staffies will most likely want you to type out your character's appearance. If you need any inspiration or examples of how it should be done, just click the evo flyer in my sig and check my bio.

[kira shozan]

Okay, I went through it again. Is it okay now?

[Rui Zeal]

close enough, now we just wait on staff

[Dr. Gerald Fitzgerald]

Looks good to me, if your still here. I'm not sure how to move it to the right section, but your approved if you still want to play >_>

[kira shozan]

Thanks.